Thursday, November 7, 2013
Lets Talk about:
I'm just going to let go and just talk because I feel that every now and then you really need to just write freely and let things out. I think the best way to do this is on paper with pen because there is something spiritual about handwriting and writing all your thoughts down as they pop in your head. I've been rereading posts from the past and I so miss the freedom that I seem to have back in those days in writing my thoughts down, Drinking helped. So the plan is how to become poetic with my thoughts and words again? with out the help of alcohol? How can I do this?
I think about all the inspiring artist through out the ages and many of them have used alcohol and or drugs to get their madness out. All I want to do is just get my feelings out on paper and so I can release whatever this "bubble" is inside of me. I think of it like a bubble and it grows and grows and I feel like it's going to pop soon, but it keeps holding out, for what I don't know.
Lately I have stood still in my apartment and Looked around, and wished just wished that it was polished and very clean, like a shiny clean. it's not messy, I have nice piles laying around but all in all it's not that bad, I just wish it was super clean. I don't know how to start on that. Having a mother that has a super clean house where you could eat off the floors and everything is fresh and she does it all herself, I just don't know where to start.
When you give yourself to someone and make that choice, and they take it and use it and then walk away as if it was nothing, it tends to hurt and leave this feeling of self dislike. Why do people do that? why do we feel shitty instead of saying Wow that person is a asshole. Why do women have to feel shitty when they did the same thing the guy did? Did society place that blame on us? years and years of not having a voice feeling dirty because of being a women? Could that be the problem?
Just thoughts that are going through my head
hugs and kisses