Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Truthful Tuesday's #1 : Being Jealous of a addict

Every Tuesday I will have one Post that is completely honest in how I'm feeling♥ So here it goes being Jealous of a Addict

It's a ugly feeling Jealousy, it makes you think horrible thoughts, and all it does is make you feel worse about yourself. So lets see if I can nip it in the bud finally and move on from it.

To watch people care about a addict that has Lied to them over and over again,it's really gross to me! I keep hearing how they want to show the addict they care and they worry for them. Me I just want them out of my life and stop renting space in my head. I feel lost knowing I feel this way. It's ugly feeling. We should not fill our time talking about what the addict is doing ( even I do this) we are like cows in a pasture chewing over whatever info we hear. forgetting that they abandoned and Lied so much . We gasp, we call them delusional as they call us crazy because they can not admit to themselves they have a problem.

Maybe I'm upset because I warned them all about the addict, and they didn't listen, yet in a weird way they were my addiction. I wanted to know who they were with, what they were doing. If my friends spent more time with them. It was a gross sickness. I was felt that everyone thought she was better then me. I think I still feel that, why so much attention to someone who has hurt them? Because of excitement? because of Drama? do we try to understand how they could be so delusional? I don't know the answers to these questions yet, i know I will.

I think I feel so unappreciated because I stuck around, I warned them, I was right, and still they keep making it about the addict. I have to understand that People feel betrayed and they have to deal with it and like me they want to understand it.

I just want to stop feeling this way..So how?

Confront my feelings? I think I have, I'm angry and hurt, that you pulled a fast one over everyone, I warned people and you made it seem like I was the crazy one. You lied to my face, You slept with my ex boyfriend , You never had time for me, but you always called me your best friend...You told me you understood me, and it was a lied and I told you so much and you said you would always stand by me and you didn't. My friends always wanted the dirt on you and I just got angry, but you were MY addiction. I couldn't stop talking to you, because when we were together you and I were awesome. All I wanted was a friend like you ( when you were around me) and it was fake. So I feel stupid and I"m jealous because no matter what, you could never do any wrong

Taken From Gala Darling Jealousy Is the Killer of girl love
One thing that can be useful is to grab a pen & paper & write down the exact reasons why you’re jealous of this girl or that one. Be really honest. Even if the reason is something totally shallow like, “Her thighs don’t touch & mine do”. Put it down. THEN, & here’s the key, look at that thing & work out why you place so much value on it. Think about your life & where this belief that that particular thing is important came from. If you don’t like Meredith because she gets attention from guys wherever she goes, work out why you feel like you need that. Did you always want love you never got from your father or some other male role model? Consider these things & process them. Often when you dissect it down to the bare bones, you’ll realise that it’s actually kind of a nothing reason, just something you have an emotional attachment to or involvement with. Knowing yourself is important — it’s powerful. You can then take that information & let go of it however you want: meditation, EFT, rituals, or just deciding that it doesn’t serve you any more & letting it go.
When you’re happy with who you are & you feel a lot of love in your everyday life, which, by the way — if it isn’t a reality for you already — is totally possible & achievable, it’s much easier to turn those little snarls of jealousy into something positive. For example, I used to feel really threatened by beautiful girls, & sometimes I still am. I have a teeny tiny freak-out in my head, like, “Man, if I’m standing around with them, I am totally going to be the ugly friend...”, but then I take a deep breath, & I let it go. I spin it around, & remember how much I love them as people, how much fun it is to look at them across a table, & what great additions they make to photo

There it is, my truth and I'm not saying it's a right thing to feel , and believe me I truly need to stop this and move on, because I deserve to be happy and stop being jealous of a addict

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