Tuesday, September 17, 2013

truthful Tuesday#2

Cracking a smile was easy for her, she could even make her eyes shine brightly like there was something magical deep down inside of her, maybe there was but most times no one cared to get to know her or she could never brake through the chipped ice that surrounded her. She always knew she was different.

Something Seethed deep down inside of her, begging to come out, begging to show themselves, she was trained so very well in keeping it hidden. The snickers of Society and The Jealousy of mindless puss bags. They peeled her soul cackling as they did it. They couldn't take blame for their own failures in life, it was always her fault. She kept going her head held high, somewhere, somewhere she lost the fight, and like a slow death she became like them.

Cracked and Unhinged

A spark was still inside of her and she tried to make sense of it. Instead of feeding it whiskey and pills she would treat the spark like her favorite pet. Being Kind and Loving letting it grow. Then the Plaque of Society would storm in and all was lost again.....

Not being my real self is something for about 3-4 years I have struggled with, I'm not sure when the moment happened that  I stopped being me. I think it was just being tired and not caring anymore. Maybe I am one of those women with Daddy issues and I've already been honest about my Victim mode I put myself in.

This is why I restarted this blog, maybe if I wrote and made it public and bare myself to this world I could become clean, and let this falseness go. Maybe

Or Maybe

I should let the self help books go and just listen to myself and follow threw with want my mind and body is saying to me

Maybe I should give a big Fuck you to the world and just be me, stop caring and letting people control me. I still tell people the lies of how I use to be, I still try to sell myself  as the shadow of my old self.... I just have to hold on to hope that one day she will be back. Be Kind and listen

Hugs and Kisses

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