Wednesday, September 4, 2013


Sometimes, I can never be really alone, a haunting memory or a cruel word I said to someone rushes at me. Sometimes I wish people would just listen to me, instead of judging or maybe telling me how I feel, this is strange because I'm not even sad tonight, just thinking on things. Sometimes  I feel separated from the universe , almost like "she" wants me to be separated..I'm never part of a large group, I never stay after work and party with my Coworkers, not that I dislike them it's always my choice , with a smile I say no and I go home..

I feel that there is more to life then serving the local drunks dealing with a crazy boss, and gossiping about the weekly whore,addict,or whatever. Do I do all these things? yes yes I do, Do I want to? No No but I have no control of myself sometimes. Which is truly a lame thing to say, because you always have control of yourself no one else does.

Sometimes I will have a glass of wine in a champagne glass, because that's all I have. I usually drink out of mason jars, I wanted to pretend I was classy, sometimes I like to do that. Sometimes I like to close my eyes I think of a reality that I can be super happy in, that I wouldn't be judged, I could be me and I could hide for hours here:
I would sit on the floor and gently touch the books and smell them, I love the way the books smell, a beautiful musty lemongrass,sometimes I  wonder who has touched these pages before me. ( I have changed from the hardcore whiskey drinker) has someone read to a lover from these pages?
  1. Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions. Their lives a mimicry. Their passions a quotation. — Oscar Wilde
Sometimes, this thought truly scares me, I have a fear of not being myself, I hide behind anger behind resentment. Always wanting people to dislike me for not being me rather then truly being myself. In this process I have forgotten who I am .

Sometimes though I'm only here to help people, then I slip away never to be seen again, when they are ready to be alone, the our sad, but slowly the text messages and phone calls stop,and I know that they did it all on their own

Sometimes, I just ramble and I don't know what I'm talking about, or the wine hit me too soon, Sometimes I'm too serious and I need to take a deep breath and just let it be


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