I feel that there is more to life then serving the local drunks dealing with a crazy boss, and gossiping about the weekly whore,addict,or whatever. Do I do all these things? yes yes I do, Do I want to? No No but I have no control of myself sometimes. Which is truly a lame thing to say, because you always have control of yourself no one else does.
Sometimes I will have a glass of wine in a champagne glass, because that's all I have. I usually drink out of mason jars, I wanted to pretend I was classy, sometimes I like to do that. Sometimes I like to close my eyes I think of a reality that I can be super happy in, that I wouldn't be judged, I could be me and I could hide for hours here:
Sometimes, this thought truly scares me, I have a fear of not being myself, I hide behind anger behind resentment. Always wanting people to dislike me for not being me rather then truly being myself. In this process I have forgotten who I am .
Sometimes though I'm only here to help people, then I slip away never to be seen again, when they are ready to be alone, the our sad, but slowly the text messages and phone calls stop,and I know that they did it all on their own
Sometimes, I just ramble and I don't know what I'm talking about, or the wine hit me too soon, Sometimes I'm too serious and I need to take a deep breath and just let it be