Monday, January 23, 2012

I am not your Scapegoat

You know when you hurt someone, like hurt them so bad you can see it all over their face. I have done this, I have hurt a grown man and have brought tears to his eyes. I ended up crying myself almost wishing that I could take it back. Take that pain, I wanted to see him smile at me again. I wanted him to call me beautiful. I ached..I knew that I couldnt it was done the damage, all I wanted was my happiness. That voice in my head Screamed "Selfish" he even called me that. Selfish. I cringed, because I have never been selfish. I didn't like being selfish. The tightening of my chest grew worse. Even now it still tightens... How can me being happy be the cause of all this? I took a deep breath after when he left and I smiled at myself it's going to get easier .... One week I have regretting my choice prolly 100 times.... I have been called bad names ....yelled at...I have dealt with so much hatred I cried and I wished for our old lives back...and I keep thinking I'm selfish.....

                                                      I'm not selfish

I made a very hard choice in my life to better me..I can not keep letting you blame me, for your life, you have made the choice to react the way you have .. Please do not give me the power over you... that's not fair to you. You want me to hate you? I won't . This is my life I have made a grownup  choice that has hurt you, but it was a choice that I made.....forgive me if you want, I need to stop taking the blame... I'm taking a new deep breathe and moving forward, not being stuck in the past