Friday, February 12, 2010

he held me at being insane



I miss my one friend Ian, when ever we were together we always had such a great time. We fucked like coked out Rabbits and the sex was really good. Before we would completely in my home Ian would have me pinned in someway or form and my clothes would be ripped off of me. After and I'm talking hours later my face would be smeared with old makeup and a smoke hanging out of my lips. He hated that I smoked. LOL actually he really just Hated me.
We had such a hateful relationship I think back on how fucked up it was, and knew that Yeah I'm fucked up sometimes but there is always that person that you just look at and think " dude what the hell is wrong with them" Ian sometimes would call me, Just to make me cry, he would tell me how I was worthless and the world his world would be better without me in it and I should just kill myself right now. It always shocked me when I got these messages and as soon as my tears would fall and my voice would crack he would sooth his harsh words and beg to come over and have sex with me.... I'm ashamed now to say that I would let him.
My friends could not believe that I stuck around with him, I couldn't help myself the sex was so amazing. I have it seen Ian for about year well seen him in a physical way, we did a last big tumble in the sheets and he kissed me goodbye and walked out of the house. Of course later I found out that he had a girlfriend who was actually my best friends sister's bff and lol well lets just say I had some explaining to do.
I hear that Ian and this girl are still together, and that he loves her and is very nice to her which I'm very happy for him that he found peace in his life. I always wonder if he thinks back of me and how crazy we were together crazy but sooo good that he would even cheat on girl that he "loves" are how if they are having sex he thinks about that time he held my face in his hands and told me I was the best he ever had and he looked like he was the telling the truth it was scary I felt like he would have eaten me. I just always wonder about this stuff, is it wrong to miss someone like that?