Friday, January 29, 2010
It's still January, that means to me that it's still my birthday. I know my birthday was Jan.5th but in my head I think your bday is for the whole month. I'm sucking the drinks out of anyone I can.
I know it's bad of me to do this.......
I meet lots of peeps this way, People find out it's your birthday and they all of sudden become a part of your group to join the party.
I guess everyone uses everyone......
The Evilness of bipolar- I'm not downing anyone with bipolar I don't fully understand it and I'm not going to pretend that I do. But I feel like it's rubbing off on me. I feel like I some how got this condition .
Some of my friends have bipolar most of them are medicated for it and I don't really see them acting strangely or their moods going up and down. Yet I have a few that refuse to be treated for it or their meds are not the right ones for them but they refuse to tell the docs what's going on.
So some day's I'm going threw a emotional Roller coaster ride with my friends where it leaves me in tears and so frustrated I want to slice my wrists. This is not a joke, and I don't know what to do.Should I just walk away from them, but is it there fault that they have bipolar? I understand that they can't control their emotions but I can't disrespect myself anymore and deal with this hateful , anger that they bring to me. anymore
enough is enough
Then I feel guilty for having these thoughts... sigh what should I do
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I use to have this weird thing I did as a child. I remember it plainly at age 5 but I'm not sure how old I was when it started. When ever someone asked me my name, I would always say it was Steve.
My mother would shake her head and my sister would snicker behind her hand. I just always wanted to be a boy!!!
Maybe at a young age I understood how so much more relaxed boys were, how they were it so bound up in a tight ball, Where society didn't look down at them and expected them to act or be a certain way. Because if you think about it boys are not suppose to act anyway.
I always defied everything that I could think of. I was the girl that always smoked in the bathroom with the boys ( yes I'm talking about the boys bathroom) I belched and farted and flung my boogers and screaming girls. I was always the cool girl or the one that the girlfriends hated cause their boys would call me up if they had problems. I've gotten threatened so many times that I was going to get my ass kick If I didn't stay away someone's boyfriend.
You know what was funny... I never wanted there boyfriends, I knew their secrets I knew what they did behind their girlfriends back, and sorry girls it's not what you would Like.
Years later when I started growing into my skin... I was such a late bloomer I really started understanding why it's so good to be a girl!!! and I'm not talking about free drinks , boys pay, or what ever, I'm not that superficial. We have compassion and we have a need to forgive and we have understanding. As some of our fine points. Yes we have sex appeal that we can use to get what we want. And Yes folks and boys we can play our head games and let me tell you, we do do them better we just let you all think you pulled one over us. : )
What's my point in this well... nothing really I'm happy at being a women. It's good feeling I'm happy about being a strong independent women. Yes I do frighten people with my waging tongue and my great fuck you approach to life, but that's me.... and it's way cool
Sunday, January 3, 2010
it's about ten a.m. and I'm sitting here eating Scallop Potatoes. I woke up with such a craving for them, and I found a box of them hidden in the back of the shelf.
Last night I went out for my bday. Though the real birthday is on Tuesday, I celebrated with some friends Downtown.
It was huge fun, and I laughed and had a lot of good times. It was very cold that I stuck hand warmers in my shoes and bra to keep me warm. which it did the trick
My Pride got a little hurt last night but I'm proud of myself that I understand it. I'm not a raging idiot or all depressed because again some dude played me.
this dude was a cop and I've been interested in him for sometime now. We've made out and he would call me and text me and he told me he liked me but he was wetting his feet to see what else was out there. which was fine, I just asked to be respected as a person.
Well last night he forgot that, he picked me up for my bday bash and then to make along story short, left with some chick and his friend took me home
I'm going to be really immature here :
Here she is.., sigh okay I know real fuckin bad of me . Looks don't matter she might have a cool personalty.
I was shocked and then pist as I watched them make out right in front of me. Well I told him in a calm way that I didn't think that was cool, He said that he was a cop and he can do what he wants.
I took a deep breath and just kept having fun.
I think I 'm done with boys for awail. They do nothing but play games and I really don't understand it because there's women out there that would have one night stands with them. I guess I was a challenge.
Even Cop boy friends said that was disrespectful now I'm sure there just going to say whatever to me. But I enjoyed the bad mouthing from his friends lol
But Happy Birthday too me !!!