Friday, October 23, 2009


I"m always waiting.....


Atleast that is what I feel like most of my day. I'm waiting for rides, I'm waiting for old people to walk up to the cash register and pay there fuckin meals!! I'm waiting to drink. I 'm waiting to find answers in my life. I'm waiting for my money tree to grow in the back yard..... any day now any day

I'm also waiting for that time when someone looks me in the eyes and asks me " Heather what do you want?" I"m always waiting for others to do what they have to in life.

I'm always the one that changes so they can do and feel and say what they need to do. I would love to have someone stop being selfish for one minute and just listen to me for a change .

You know what else I hate wanting to drink so much...

Monday, October 19, 2009

The splitting headache

I feel bad for this lady. Though I laughed so hard I almost peed myself I still found it funny. This is something my own child would do.

Here's me with a random dude , I went out last night and of course drank my weight in whiskey and beer. This Kid who was only 22 sat down next to me and told me how his sister forced him as a child to listen to Boyz to men, and all those boys band . I smiled and nodded my head like I cared.

Some times when People drink... Okay most times but It has it hit me , People think they can just go up and talk to anyone and this person is there greatest friend and they tell all there secrets to, I was this person soul mate last night.

My head is killing me today I feel like the 7 dwarfs are pounding away inside my brain!!!

Friday, October 16, 2009

converstation with myself while I bathe

I came home from work and slowly walked to the computer 34 messages on facebook and a bunch of shit on my email account. Nothing from The love of my life. I need to be a little bit more Joyous about the people that are in my life, and not the one's that are scared and too week to handle me as a person.

84 pounds of fear right here baby...

I soaked in a long hot oatmeal bath and wished that I would just drown in the mess. My body would be found bloated and flies would lay there eggs in my ear and belly button.

Don't worry folks I would never do it I'm a walking contradiction , hating and loving life all at once.

Where ever I go my nose runs for the first two hours and then I find that it stops and then I go to the next place same damn thing.

There's a pic of me sitting in the tub I look like I'm going to suck your soul out

I'm trying to work on not being so needy, Just like the selfishness of the love of my life I too have faults, I just want to work on them together lol and he does it, Though it's faults that we have when we are together. Thats funny to me I need to speak to him to help my faults, and he needs to get to a point where he does it have to pop pills in his mouth to talk to me.... yup the love of my life loves to pop oxy... picked up the habit again after being clean for a year, picked it up due to me, started the habit due to me...... sigh

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I'm not a Social Whore anymore.....

I have it had sex since may or maybe june? not really sure but that bad right. the fact that I can't remember the last time I had sex!!! I feel like a animal , my senses are tripled and I found myself attracted to all the things with penises.

Last time I had good sex about 4 years ago... lol

I"m not a social whore anymore, I don't go out. I'm on this kick on drinking in the privacy of my own home, stumbling around my floors and cursing whoever I want. I started holding conversations with myself, That's not the greatest thing huh?

Today I looked down while I was drinking my coffee and saw that my pinky nail was long while my other nails were short, I smiled to myself and knew that people thought things of me because of this. Yes and my sister verified it as well.

The cat looked at me with such a look while it scratched it's claws on my blanket. She was smirking... I know it,laughing while thinking "yes heather I just came from the litter box"

Friday, October 2, 2009

a different sorta post

I want to see this movie !!!! it looks really awesome to me.
I"m hatting my nose today it won't stop running even when I take meds for it !!!
would I look silly if I cut it off?

I've been staying at my aunts house, house sitting her two cats, they make me sneeze. they know this and lay on me. I hate them.