Wednesday, June 3, 2009

running


I had my bags pack and I was ready to run away to the city. I said good bye to my friends and gave a key to my one friend who was going to live in my apartment. This was a choice I made yesterday early morning and today I was planning on following threw with it.

But then:

My best friend got to me and she grounded me, I'm a free spirit which in the end it makes me selfish in away. Not that I try to be selfish, not that I go threw only thinking of myself but at times I forget the other people. That's not good,

Sperm donor took me home last night and told me he was going to miss me and that he was sorry. He asked me if it was something that he said that made me decide to leave. It was ... but it's not his fault.

Is it bad to think that now that I"m staying that people are going to think I made it up? I have the train ticket... I really was ready to do this.

But I got to thinking ( with help from my BF) that if sperm donor ran away everyone would be mad at him, arn't I doing the same thing? I"m running and I need to stick by him I need to understand that he's going threw a lot with this as well.......

sigh

I hate having understanding, I"m such a conterdiction with my free spirit and understanding.

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