Wednesday, June 24, 2009

now I know




my body is complaining because it needs a smoke, I won't fall into the selfish needs of smoking, I quit completely though my doctor told me not to cut back intill I don't need them any more . I just don't know if that would happen.... I have a great need for smokes.....

I have it spoken to sperm donor since Monday, he walked out of my home with harsh words and me in tears with a promise that he won't be there for the baby.....

I guess it's good to know now.....

I feel like I'm just going threw the steps of life right now... that i'm just a shadow of my happy full of life self.

Sperm donor is so scared he is angry and he's grasping at straws, I'm not angry anymore not at him.

I"m sad....

I lost a friend in this, and no matter what he did messed up things, but there is a good side of him.....

I forgive him and I miss him...

I have my own fucked up issues in life, Sperm donor is use to having things go his way and I won't lean towards him so he's walking away.....

I lay awake alot since monday.... Just thinking..... trying to stay healthy, and calm, I'm thinking that I"m good at ruining lives, and of course of having men and women want me, not date me or marry me but want me...

I just have to stay strong yup that's what I have to do,




Currently watching:
Sunshine Cleaning
Release date: 2009-08-25
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