Wednesday, June 10, 2009

first thunderstorm

I wore a dress that I got for $5 dollars , at a department store, it was green with purple flowers short but flowing. It snuggled tight against my rib cage making it hard to breath. It was sorta of a nice dress, though I wore my black chucks that the once white shoe laces were now grey and stained.

I stood outside of the bar, clutching my cigarette in my right hand and letting the smoke every time I in hale twirl around my tongue. Like a lover's kiss. The wind picked up, the air was so hot and sticky today, that when the storm started coming I had to run outside to have the breeze cool my skin.

That was part of it, my reason to come out, the other reason was I couldn't handle the stares anymore, The whispering, behind my back..

Sperm Donor I could hear his laugh from outside, he can pretend that all is well, that he's friends did not just talk trash on him, and gave him a high five when he showed up. What a sad funny little group we are.

The Dealer-and his high Strung ways, always advice to give, even if you didn't want it, He would be honest to you but he loves to gossip, though he is a amazing friend to me.

The BFF, The coke whore-, so pretty and cool, but not the brightest and she finds love in sleeping with different guys. she goes out every night, sits in the same chair and talks to the same people

The crack Addict- always the purse watcher, and one that you can't trust, a lier though he means well, He uses my sickness to get money, though he will be the first to take me to the hospital

The Tom boy- A drunk and so young , will try anything she can get her hands on, has daily melts down and won't remembers what she said or did the next day.

sperm donor- Father of my soon to be child, a coke head , one that would do anything for you though he's very intense in it almost creepy, a stealer of people's things. a lier

Are we not a strange little bunch of people? though I love them so very much, I hate myself at the same time for having them...

I don't know what my nickname would be or my description about myself.

I watch them threw the window as I smoke, Tom boy and Drug dealer in a heated fight about smoking Pot I"m sure. I roll my eyes and I start heading in as the rain comes down. I wish for something more then this, I wish I could scoop my friends up and fix all of there problems.. I wish I was strong enough to walk away from them
truthfully .

I feel bad for that.

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