Sunday, June 21, 2009

between hell and life

..It's about 6:oo pm and i'm still laying in bed. I have the fan blowing on me because I'm too lazy to get up and open the windows. I can tell there is a nice breeze outside. The birds chirp outside my window.

4 CANS of DR Pepper sit on my night stand beside me and bbq chips on the floor. This was my dinner and lunch and what the hell my breakfast. My legs ache almost a comfortable ache , at the rate I'm going my legs will be bowed and I'll be on complete bed rest. My viens hurt where those hellish nurses stabbed me with there needles, this time my legs couldn't reach them. My head is foggy and unclear as I sit here and write this. I only have a hour to clear my head and to get ready to go out.

I'm tired, will my days ever be filled with rest.....

I had great things to do today, a clean house would be nice and maybe some laundry would be great.... but no my day was filled with a night in the hospital and then nothing but bed.

Today I thought of the old day's when there was so many of us that were held together, now we are all seperated not really speaking, thrown across the world like leaves in the wind.

That makes me sad....

Religion makes me sad as well......

but it seems that Dr. Pepper makes me happy

Sperm donor told me that he couldn't compete with me, that though he does it want this child the fact that I would give my life for it, he can't say anything about that, I'm just better person then he is....

As Wallace Wattles said :

"The very best thing you can do for the whole wolrd is to make the most of yourself"

This statement is true, if you better yourself, then you can better the world....

I know that i'm prego but the fact that I still look the same except some small weight gain I'm not going to hide.....



for being only 5 feet 2 inches tall I have some pretty long legs, this is pointed out to me all the time.

sigh

I took a shower and cried, I'm going to blame it on being pregnant, because I don't understand it....

Sperm donor told me that he likes me more then a friend and that he cares for me deeply ..... but then he tells me he can do what he wants or who he wants because were not in a relationship......

I don't know what to do with that.....

He makes me insane.... I think he enjoys it...
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